I'll be starting my loc journey (finally) and I just wanted to check in quickly. I put mini braids in my hair on the 28th and I wanted to post a pic of them. I'm super excited about my hair growth and maturation over the next couple of months. Loc-ing my hair also marks my inner self growth. I'm learning to love myself and cast away the little unimportant things/people that no longer serve me. I'll be checking in every 3 months with pictures of my locs.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
Disclaimer: I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor and mean no harm. I love my job and all the tomfoolery that comes with it. I censored myself in this post cuz that's the mood I was in.
So since this is my lifestyle blog and I am a very unfiltered individual, I thought I'd talk about something that I do almost everyday. CASHIER. I'm also a barista and that will be included. My life is HI-larious and I wanted to share it with y'all.
So, my day usually starts with me waking up to my cell phone alarm after only getting like 4 hours of sleep since I literally just left my job. Now, I always estimate how long it should take me to get ready and it rarely goes as planned. Females cannot gauge when to get ready. I have a tardiness problem but its genetic. I'm a woman AND African so, you dey see my problem? Have you ever had to fight against to forces of biology? Well, that's what I do every Bless-Ed day. I have to decide if I will wear makeup so we marker for 1 hour. Liquid eyeliner alone takes 20 mins. So finally leave the house. I commute via public transportation and try desperately to sit by myself. My bag is my bus buddy butttt sometimes the bus is filled over capacity and I have no choice but to sit next to a nasty creeper or a woman with a big bakasi*. C'est la vie. So I sit next to BIG BOOTY JUDY, and then there's a rotation in seating, finally. I sit by myself. Then the bus gets full again and I have to sit next to someone with repulsive breath. I try to be polite and not make it obvious but JESU, I need air. I need ventilation. This bus is hot. The breath dey boom and the person thinks that talking on the phone is appropriate. Heh, which kind ting be this? I begin thinking this is a punishment as the bus ride seems longer than usual, even though my job is literally right there. Anywho, enough about people with goat breath. I get off the bus and now begin my 3 minute walk to work. Depending on if I'm late or not, it might be a stride. I just don't see the point in running if you're already late. That's just based on my job--once you're one minute late, might as well be 15 minutes late.
It's all about the muthaf#^&ing money!
Finally clock in, now I have to get my money. Chaching! is literally what I will hear for the rest of the day. So I now take the elevator while carrying a huge drawer with my money bags. I never get tired of the stares. Not sure if people are contemplating stealing my drawer or just checking out my epic bitch face. I have to walk down this long a$% hallway and struggle with whether to say hi or awkwardly look at the ground. This is a delicate art. I now put my money in. Now I have to pretend to give a s&^# even though I'm still half asleep. I love when regulars come in and I already have their stuff ready. I get confused when they change it up. you messing up the funk, right now. I thought we had an understanding. We decide to try something new when there's a long a$% line behind? Anyway, some Foreigners and FOBS come in and I am irritated to the 10th degree. "Can I get a lad-ee?" NAWL. you mean latte? Another seperate example: "Caramel FRAPPUCHINO" (repeated another 5 times). N&*$a if you repeat this one more time... Ok so I get them the frappuchino right. To now have them tell me it's the wrong thing. LIKE, whatchu mean??!! I feel like screaming. "I want hot!" So you wanted a CAPPUCHINO? N$%^a, do not play with me today. I don't have time for your tomfoolery. Sometimes, I think they thoroughly enjoy seeing you struggle to serve 30+ people AND remake their drink. They subtly nod in approval of the remake. They linger and ask me where the bag and drink carrier are, eventhough it's right next to them. GET DA F*&^ OUTTA HERE. Now my colleagues and I rotate on drinks and food. I make a smoothie. I always know whose smoothie I'm making because the person is always looking at me. That makes me so uncomfortable. Like, am I really going to poison you? You don't even know what half the things I'm putting in your drink are. Then they try to be a smart-a$$ and ask If I put the extra in a cup for them. SHEBI*, you want extra, you get extra money? But like what did you pay for though? Sometimes I do it if I'm in a good mood. Just depends. Now, I serve food and dessert. Clean and etc. This is the repetitive cycle of my day. I worry if my money will come out right because this very essential in my job description. I count my money 3 times before giving the customer change.
I fill up my bele* with as much sustinence as possible without feeling sleepy. Come back with a "F*$% the world" attitude. We got fo' mo' hours. YOU GOT THIS. I handle my s#$% and bounce out dat bish. I have a huge smile on my face as I see my manager come get me for countdown. LIKE, yasssss. Nothing even matters. As I walk down to the elevator, creepy janitors smile at me and attempt to start a conversation. MAKA-why? it's hi and bye n#$%a. see you never. Funny thing is that those are the janitors I end up seeing the most.
I'm walking and I'm walking and I realize how sore my legs are. BRUH, This job is a workout. Countdown is the best and worst part of my day. I'm leaving but now I have to use my non-existent math skills. Math is the bane of my existence. Which is funny because I do love cashiering/my job. I really do take a long time to count. Le sigh, I finish and I pray to God my money is correct. It is, most of the time.
The day is not over until I clock out this peace. The momentous sliding of my card as my time is logged into the system is very ceremonious to me. I have sealed my fate--or my paycheck--sometimes I confuse the two. I actually start shekinit as I leave but remember there are onlookers and stop myself. Gorsh, I'm uber weird.
This concludes a day in the life, y'all! Hope it was a good read.
-Bakasi-booty as coined by Flavour Nabania
-Shebi-pidgin english/yoruba comparable to so
-Bele-pidgin english for belly
I've been natural for 8 years now. I don't think my hair has ever been as healthy as it is now.
I went natural in middle school. My mother and I both big chopped and I hated it! I felt so boyish. I legit wore a head scarf everyday until my school told me I no longer could because there wasn't a religious reason behind it. My mom braided my hair ALOT. But eventually I rocked the afropuffs for the rest of middle school. I drew so much attention to myself because there weren't that many blacks in my school anyway. I digress, next question.
Well, I could go on and on about how this product and that product help my hair grow but, I know natural hair doesn't really work like that. I'm also a pretty lazy natural and my hair texture doesn't require much.
I spritz water and oil my scalp like ev-eryday.*
I cowash once or twice a month.
I may clarify once a month. If I feel like it.
I usually set a day that I detangle and moisturize my hair and put it in a style again. I do this because I don't wear my hair out during the work week. I either cornrow my hair or braid it in some way, which does not help my baby face at all. I will forever look like a 12 year old.
-V05/Suave clarifying and moisturizing (anything)
-2 year old mango butter from a small business
-Target unrefined coconut oil
-African Pride olive oil
-Softee hemp creme and other products
Literally all of these things make my hair smell so good.
Welp, to be honest I've stopped caring about what people think about my hair because I've heard it all. From middle school to high school-there were slave jokes, colorism and good hair/bad hair commentary and I don't think any of these comments ever came from someone who wasn't black. We have a huge issue in the black community with acceptance. Since when does having natural hair mean you look like a slave? Is it because they accepted their hair and now we don't? It's crazy that we somehow think that perming/weaving our hair and lightening our complexion will ever make us white. It won't. We end up being categorized as the same thing we fear. Black. If that doesn't highlight the feedback I get then I don't know what does. Lately, I've been getting more positive comments and I've been asked for advice. I hope this is signifying a significant change in the perception of black hair in the black community.
My experience has been overall positive. The last guy I dated had never dated outside of his race (he was white), and he was originally reluctant about my hair but ended up loving it. I've always dated outside of my race and I never really get flack about my hair.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
This is the third installment of the celibacy series and I really just wanted to highlight the great things that come out of being celibate. I know the struggle is definitely real! Focusing on the benefits will help your outlook on life and your spiritual walk as well. Just here to have fun with this, so enjoy!
1. No relationship drama!
As much as we all love to have a companion around to remove that feeling of loneliness, a relationship can be ALOT of work. There's a whole person that you now have to make time for. You may not always agree on everything. You may disagree on a lot. If this person isn't right for you, they may try to change or overshadow you as a person. This may even be a toxic relationship. They may not appreciate your walk with God. They may even have a lust problem. Ugh, this makes me appreciate single life.
2. So much free time for yourself!
Being single, I have definitely gotten used to pampering myself. I go shopping whenever I want, I go out whenever I want and I come home whenever I want. I get to know myself better and enjoy this season of singleness. Without another person, you are definitely pushed to have fun regardless of whether you're dating.
We like to say #relationshipgoals so much but why can't we focus on #singlegoals? So many young women like myself can't even feel content without a boo. Some friends may fixate on asking "Where's your boo?" "How's your man?" "Are you bringing him/her?" No man should define you, you should define yourself. We need to work on this.
Regardless of whether I'm dating or not, I still handle my bizzz, honey. I goes to work, I come home, I pays my bills annnnd I eats! I'm not focused on anyone who is going to do those things for me. I've had guys offer, "what can I do for you?" Which is mostly financial and I'm like "nothing". Whether you're there or not, I will take care of myself. Of course they pay on dates but sometimes I pay too.
I really feel this is when living arrangements come into the equation.
When someone lives with you and you're dating, you become complacent. One person is probably gaining much more from the relationship (financially/sexually) or you end up staying in that relationship because you now live together--that sounds like bondage. The logic behind living together makes sense but when you look at the foundation of the relationship, isn't living together a bit premature before marriage? I think so. He hasn't even bought the cow yet, but he gets free milk, a free ride and free shelter--did I mention this is FREE? Men love free shit, just saying. I know it sounds like we're putting a price on ourselves but mankind has done this for a very long time, it symbolizes how much we value ourselves. Are you worth a movie, two movies or a ring?
I also love being independent because I get to make all my decisions alone whether they are big or small! You can't really do that in a marriage/courtship.
4. Abstinence/Celibacy has a rate of 100% in protecting against unwanted pregnancy and STI'S
Obviously. I love knowing I'm gonna get my lady time regardless because I haven't been fooling around. Never worried because I didn't do anything to cause worry. That's a great feeling!
5. Less emotional strain
I always talk about soul ties with my friends. Some people believe me and some don't (even though it may be extremely evident in their lives). Overtime in any relationship we develop feelings for someone whether romantic or platonic. Now when we act on the romantic feelings and physically connect we create a soul tie. That person will have a piece of us forever. This is why we get hurt, we're mistrusting, we're jealous to the point where we would kill. We expected more, we expected a life long connection. This is how we know sex is not just SEX. We have a carnal nature but also a longing to be loved. Living single and celibate is great because we do limit the extent of getting hurt emotionally.
6. Less Temptation
If you're like me, you love looking at good looking men whether in person or just on tv! We are still heterosexual, we still have emotions and desires and God knows that very well. It's not about acting like there isn't temptation or not talking about it. It's about moving past the temptation.Yeah he's cute but can he do anything else for me? Can he supplement my growth or stunt it? I still think plenty of guys are cute but for me it's always been about substance as well. Lack of substance is a huge turn off for me. You can't just be a pretty face, boo! Whenever I get tempted I think of this whether I'm in a relationship or not. What will be the outcome of us hooking up--positive or negative and I follow suit. I've had guys offer to hookup even though we were friends or we worked together and it not only lowered my view of them but showed me how strong I could be. If he can't even ask you out like a gentleman, he doesn't value you.
In the same token, stay true to what you want. Don't let the heat of the moment define where the relationship goes. I've had a hard time balancing this and I'm working on it. I never want to lead anyone to think that I will ever have sex before marriage. If it's anything more than a kiss, fagettaboutit! Even kiss sefff... If y'all have heard of that song by the Weeknd--if he calls you half past five, hang up oooo! Ignore the phone call! Lol kidding. But seriously flee from that temptation if it's something you cannot handle. We've all been there. To quote, sensitive bae, "I know when that hotline bling, that can only mean one thing" there are definitely appropriate times to call someone but if he's calling after 9 or 10 pm and asking to come over, ey weyy my sistahhh--You betta flee from that temptation. Say, devil get thee behind me!
7. No one to please but God and yourself.
8. Wear whatever hairstyle you desire
Some Guys always have some s*&% to say about your hair.
9. Shave/not shave whatever you want whenever you want.
Did someone say no shave November? I think yessss.
10. You get to become the best You, you could possibly be!
I think the biggest thing I'm learning is its ok not to have everything figured out but it's also ok to live life different from the norm. I've spent so much time feeling weird because of virginity, celibacy and love, I felt I had to force something on myself. This is just me. Choosing this doesn't make me better or worse just secure in myself.
Any questions/concerns? just comment!
Monday, October 12, 2015
So these are the results from my Bantu knots! My hair felt so fluffy and soft thanks to the loc method! I wore my hair out to church and I loved the definition I got.
Blogtober continues tomorrow!
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Welcome to Celibacy part deaux! What overall helps your spiritual growth while being celibate is focusing and meditating on these ideals. I have watched quite a few messages on sexual purity and Godly relationships and am sharing what I've learned here. Enjoy!
1. The enemy wants to manipulate what is designed for you.
Sex is never just sex and even though it is a beautiful experience, it is solely meant for the marriage covenant between a man and woman.
2. Sexual Temptation will come and God will provide a way of escape.
We will all be tempted but we have to know our limits and know when God is giving us an escape. That means no "netflix and chill", y'all! If we know we can't handle being at someone's house after 5 pm, DO NOT GO. Go on a breakfast date if you have to. Ultimately our greatest tool against sexual temptation is keeping our eyes on the prize! What's your purpose? Are you gonna let anything get in the way of that? Whatever you feed will eventually win. Are you fixating on these desires?
*Christianity is best done in community--Fellowship or join a church
*Seek healthy and uplifting relationships--I have cut out most of the negative people in my life. Those who I haven't I probably work with or have to be around
*Try not to be around your girlfriend/boyfriend alone for long periods of time
*Focus on the logic not the emotion
*Find a genre of Christian music you enjoy--my favorite artists are: Hillsong United/Young and Free, Bethel Music, Kari Kobe and Laura Daigle--Lecrae and tadashi are great Christian rappers. I meditate in the lyrics to calm my anxiety.
*Have a better self perception
*Pray/meditate/talk to God
*Read the bible, sounds obvious but even if it's one verse a day, it helps keep focus
*Hang out with yourself--I take myself out on "dates", If I want to try a restaurant, I go by myself. I have movie nights, I go shopping. I promise at least one date a month to myself. You have to love and cherish yourself.
*Develop/Focus on a Hobby-for me writing and blogging. I'm also going back to school and I work a lot. Sleep is also a huge part of my day. I think that counts as a hobby.
"We always say someone has a sex problem, they don't. They have a purpose problem"
I hope this was helpful! You should be so focused on your purpose that you would let anyone get in the way of that. Believe me, in your spiritual journey there will be doubt and frustration but try to keep in mind that what's meant for you will come. You are absolutely worth a ring and worth the wait. God will never leave or forsake you.
DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE MY OPINIONS AND I AM IN NO WAY JUDGING HOW ANYONE ELSE LIVES THEIR LIFE, anywho..
As defined by the dictionary Celibacy is the "state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations". Other definitions include it being a faith-based vow. Abstinence, however is abstaining from sex at any point in life for any reason. One can be abstinent and non-religious. This is why Abstinence-only education in schools doesn't always include religious undertones. That being said, I am a Christian. I grew up in a christian home and premarital sex was just never part of the plan.
I'm sure a lot of parents don't necessarily plan for underage pregnancy or that teens hope to let their parents down. It's just purely based on choice and every choice impacts an individual's life dramatically (whether we realize it or not). In my situation, much like others I was scared into remaining pure. For some it works, for some it doesn't. I can say it definitely worked for me because I'm a scaredy cat and I was a relatively good kid. I am also simply not ready for penetration, it gives me anxiety. I didn't party until probably senior year and even then...not really my thing. I didn't really come onto guys, I didn't know how to flirt. Shit, I still don't know how to flirt. Maybe some guys liked me but I've always been the "cool chick" not necessarily the "hot chick". I was also pretty honest about not wanting to hookup in high school, which probably played a role as well. I went to prom with one of my girlfriends. People thought I was gay, so yeah. Just to give you a little background. I had to be home at a certain time and there just wasn't a lot of room to hook up. Even if there was, I just didn't have the desire to be rebellious. I do not really have any regrets because most guys in high school are not really focused on a long term relationship. They lack the maturity to really understand the difference between love and lust. In adult life I've learned even grown men are still immature. We're not male bashing here, some women are immature as well but that just makes a better argument that maybe high school is not really the place to meet your soul-mate. My parents always said, "FACE YA BOOKS" Which is what I did. By the way I was not an amazing student, I was average and I definitely DID NOT need any distractions. At one point of senior year, I questioned whether I would actually graduate. I may have not dated the star of the football team--I watch too much "Friday Night Lights"--but I never feared getting pregnant in high school. By God's grace and my parent's home training.
Fast forward to now, almost 4 years later and a lot of shit has changed. I lost myself for a bit. I started to compromise, I started to listen to the bullshit coming out from some people's mouths. I have let myself down but I have learned a whole lot. I am still a virgin in the literal sense but have participated in other acts. Living on my own, I have felt a huge amount of loneliness and a void that just cannot be filled by any other human being. I took me forever to realize that. I have dated and have been constantly disappointed. I have dated people I was unequally yoked with and just thought where could this even go. I'm done. I've been celibate for a while now. I'm not dating anyone. I'm not looking. I like someone but it could not possibly work, so I'm getting over it. I don't know why I let who I am get bogged down by others opinions. I look at their lives and I don't see much to call home about. I do not want to be miserable and in a relationship. Let me be happy on my own. To those who say you cannot court anymore, that purity doesn't exist--I say Fuck 'em! As funny as that sounds, we just lack faith. When women have said to me you're living in a fantasy world. I just laugh, because I'd rather live in a fantasy world where I meet a man that respects me and marries me as opposed to one that lives off of me and never puts a ring on my finger. I think we as women get confused and think that men and women think alike, they don't. Men and women rationalize sex differently. To a man, Sex can be, just sex. It's easier for them because where sex is and where emotions are in their brains are two separate places. Too many women think, If I do this and that and the other, maybe he'll love me. Absolutely NOT, honey. Think again. No amount of sexing, money or food will ever keep him, if he is yours. I'm worth a ring, and I'm sure sex is worth the wait.
Basically this post was just explaining how much, I've learned and why I'm celibate. Tomorrow I'll post about, how I have practiced celibacy in the past and stay celibate now.
Beeteedubs: I'm christian, I do curse. It's a form of expression and being Christian doesn't mean you are perfect it means you're broken. We need to be realistic.
The past couple of months I've been really into thrift shopping, so I thought I'd share some of the clothes I bought. I'm also amassing a cool tshirt collection that I'll share at a later date. So below I took pictures of the clothes seperately based on blouses, dresses, sweaters and sleepwear. My true style is eclectic but a bit conservative. I don't like wearing all patterns. And I did notice I have a lot of black and blues. Some of the items were either hand made or just didn't have a tag anymore.
Pink blouse-white stag
Flowery purple/brown-norton essentials
Saturday, October 10, 2015
So today after about a month I decided to take down my yarn locs. I'm so glad I did because I miss my natural hair. I probably won't do extensions for the rest of the year. I wanted to be able to walk you through this process the best way I could and show you my usual wash day routine. I will also include pics!
Friday, October 9, 2015
So I'm sure many of you know and have watched the Awkward Black Girl web series, if you haven't you betta getcho life, girl! It's basically this awesome-sauce series about J's awkward adventures encompassing her work and love life. Issa Rae is the creator of this series by the by. Can we just acknowledge how much of a boss betch she is? *crowd cheers* I'm pretty sure I first watched this in 2012 when it first came out and I was like oh my gosh, how does she know my life?! So I decided to highlight all the reasons why ABG will always be the Story of my life and I hope y'all enjoy.
This is obvious. Black Girl Magic is where it's at, awkward not so much. But you win some, you lose some.
As a lover of music and an artist I constantly think about the situation that led an artist to write a song in my head. Which leads me to make my own one- woman music video.
If I had a nickel for every time someone caught me talking to myself at work, home and other-I'd be a millionaire. Too bad being weird usually leads to embarrassment.
Although I don't actually write my own rhymes like J, I do spit lyrics from songs I like. Like right now, my Pretty Is on Fleek.* definitely on my Nicky Minaj right now. Beyonce is cool too.
This is actually said in the show and I have to say it's pretty relevant. It's crazy how J breaks down different personalities in the workplace. I've had some bosses that have been no bueno and would definitely get fired if HR knew what came out of their mouths.
Here are the other personalities:
Guy who can't take a hint
Drama queen who never shuts up
Loud Black bitch
Guy who always makes weird noises
Space invading bitch who probably has aids that Bitch
These are all introduced in the first or second episode. I have met one of all of these in my entire time working with human beings.
This is uber true. Like I'd rather just curse you in my mind than start something. In my mind, I don't even see the point in actually physically fighting anyone. If you irritate me, I'll just ignore the fuck outta you.
I don't know if this ever happens to y'all but it's like I have this perception that I'm just so cool and every wants to greet me. I wave or answer someone and they're actually trying to get the attention of someone behind or beside me. So awkward. After this exchange, I just try to play it off and find a hole to crawl in.
I think this situation is always super awkward especially when the girlfriend is uber insecure. I was in a situation where I liked someone I worked with and they ended up going out with another girl--I also work with. Uber awkward cuzzz everybody knew about it. Maybe not the guy..not really sure. J went through the same bullshit for a minute but then she got boo-ed up! Now that's a silver lining. Immature workplace relationships are so fuggin awkward.
Before I talk to any human being about an important issue or even introducing myself, I plan it in my head. Before I even try to spit game at a crush (kidding I suck at flirting), I plan it. I usually end up saying the wrong thing too often, so this helps me mentally prepare myself for the awkwardness.
Chinekeme!* how I hate long hallways. There's a long hallway that leads to the cafe I work at. I try to face the ground, but shit you can only do that for so long before running into someone or looking special. I really don't like saying hi if I don't have to. Not to mention the creepers who try to spit game. Like, no I'm not even going to acknowledge your existence. I don't even see you.
Ughhh. The struggle when your date is banking and is definitely paying but you don't wanna look unattractive. Like I don't eat lady-like. I eat the gristle, the skin, the everything. I would even lick the bowl but...we're trying to put our best foot foward. I don't care, I have definitely never been one to miss out on free food. I just take the shit home. Point blank, Peri-OD.
Yasss J no truer words were ever spoken!
Do y'all relate to J from ABG? Feel free to comment. Also watch Awkward Black Girl. Buy the book. I'm so happy to finally see women that look like me in the media and aren't shown negatively.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
1. Where were you born?
I was born in nigeria in J-O-S which is in the north.
2. Last time you cried?
Last week I'm uber sensitive but I think I've improved ALOT.
3. Would you be friends with yourself?
Durr, I'm the cooliest.
4. Do you have pets?
Nerp, anyone who knows me knows I cannot be around cats (because the creep me da fuck out) and I'm pretty afraid of dogs. I've thought about getting a like a little dog but it's like having a child that can't talk. An Africans mentality on domesticated animals is that It's still an animal. I can barely feed myself. Not to mention nketa*, I have betta tinz to spend money on.
5. Are you a sarcastic betch?
Yerppp. That's basically my trademark at my job. I can't even give out a genuine complement without being called a smart ass. Le sigh.
6. Coke or pepsi?
I'm basically a coke head. The dentist legit told me to lay off, so I did.
Corn/Frosted Flakes fo lyfe.
8. Eye color
9. Scary movies or happy endings?
Heh, my naija pals know how real our juju movies get. On the same note American horror movies lately have been irrelevant and unnecessary, not about that life. I love a good Nicolas Sparks movie--Happy ending.
I have two younger siblings--brother and sister. I love them a lot, even though they are growing up entirely too quickly.
11. Computadora or television?
I barely watch my tv. Sleep is bae and my phone is side-bae so computer.
12. First thing you notice on a person?
Their eyes and facial features. I pay attention to very minute details.
13. Favorite smell?
Lavender or another floral scent as long as its not overpowering.
14. Furthest from home?
South Texas which isn't very far.
15. Special Talents?
I don't really consider them so special but they are talents I somewhat possess.
- acting ability
- braiding ability
- language ability
Also I can out sleep you any day, so yeah.
-finding new music
17. Are you in love?
What is love if your not even sure the other person feels the same way. Infatuation maybe? I think the best word is roundabout crushing--Currently getting over it.
18. Craziest attributes?
I am uber awkward and super loud.
It'd be great if y'all answered one question. I kinda wanna make my blog a forum for discussions. I guess that requires more readership. Thanks so far.
New blog post tommorow for blogtober.
Hugs and kisses,
*nketa: dog in igbo
Monday, October 5, 2015
So the struggle was real growing up as a African child in Ame-ricah, the land of the living. I just thought it'd be fun to highlight the dumbest thing you could do in an African home, even though your American counterparts could do it and get away Scott free.
1. EVER give anything to your parents with your left hand. Gerrarahere!
2. Come home with anything less than an A+++ Do you know when I was ya age I was at the top of my class? Yeah you and every other African parent. Lulz
3. (As a young woman) don't assist your mom in serving visitors. My friend, berra get ready for a good flogging that night!
4. Don't say good morning to your elders/parents/visitors. So you don't know how to greet?!
5. Don't cover your eyes when a sex scene comes on the tv. This is just an effin' given, the awkwardness was real!
6. Ever talk about dating anyone in school. Heh so you don grow wings? Not under my roof! At ya age? My friend, you berra face ya books!!
7. Don't cook or clean and you're a girl?! You will never get a husband if you do not know how to cook! So how am I gonna get husband if I'm not allowed to date?
8. Get mad at your parents for comparing you to your peers. They are really just trying to motivate you. African parents are the creators of reverse psychology.
9. Take the biggest meat out of the pot of stew/soup. Berra get ready to vomit that meat tonight.
10. Even try talking back to your parents even if they're wrong. My friend, if I give you one derry slap..ijiot!
On Oct 1st, Nigeria turned 55! Niaja no dey carry last (as usual). I made it my duty to flood my snapchat with throwbacks of my favorite naija songs as I danced my day away. I spammed naija eeerythang on my Facebook, Twitter handles and gave not one shit. I couldn't even get through the day without singing at least one Flavour song. I am Adanma after all. So anyway I was pretty pumped to go to this Nigerian independence parry being thrown by a local college. So I went. Tell me why I was the only person there?? At 10:30? This African time dey too much ooo! I was legit the only female there for at least an hour. I was about to leave but I didn't want to waste this opportunity to party to some good naija tunes, since I rarely do. The awkwardness of the room was making Me uncomfortable so I downed 1 ameretto sour--2 ameretto sours and 1/4 of a Blue MF before just not giving a damn. No one was dancing and I was so over this awkward shit. I got up by this girl who was dancing and started shakey shaking it. The one thing I can't stand about some of the Nigerians in my generation is that we focus too much on looking cool instead of just having fun. It's all about acting like you don't give a F*** even though you do. Like get over yourself. When I've gone to Nigerian parties geared towards families the elders always get up and dance and even force their kids to dance. But eventually people started dancing and I was the buzzed girl trying to do my thang. I came solo dolo but I didn't care. I was extremely perturbed that all the beef suya was gone but oh well. I was amazed at my ability to call a cab even though those 3 drinks had ya gurl on her ass. I was a wreck the next morning. But it was a nice night out. Although, I will not be going to any event like that in years to come. Twerking on simple niggas and FOBs that I barely know is not my forte (No shade). Hope my fellow naijas had a great nabania!
*Adanma-Flavour nabania's song about the first daughter of a king. In igbo means first daughter.
*Shakey-Flavour Nabania's way of saying shake yo a**
*Nabania-in igbo means night
By the way these are the materials I used to beat my face!
Avon liquid eyeliner
Cover fx foundation
Wet n wild's fuschia with blue pearl lipstick