Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Single and Celi-But.. {Celibacy part 3}

Hey loves!
This is the third installment of the celibacy series and I really just wanted to highlight the great things that come out of being celibate. I know the struggle is definitely real! Focusing on the benefits will help your outlook on life and your spiritual walk as well. Just here to have fun with this, so enjoy!

1. No relationship drama!
As much as we all love to have a companion around to remove that feeling of loneliness, a relationship can be ALOT of work. There's a whole person that you now have to make time for. You may not always agree on everything. You may disagree on a lot. If this person isn't right for you,  they may try to change or overshadow you as a person.  This may even be a toxic relationship. They may not appreciate your walk with God. They may even have a lust problem. Ugh, this makes me appreciate single life.

2. So much free time for yourself!
Being single,  I have definitely gotten used to pampering myself.  I go shopping whenever I want,  I go out whenever I want and I come home whenever I want.  I get to know myself better and enjoy this season of singleness.  Without another person, you are definitely pushed to have fun regardless of whether you're  dating.
We like to say #relationshipgoals so much but why can't we focus on #singlegoals? So many young women like myself can't even feel content without a boo. Some friends may fixate on asking "Where's your boo?" "How's your man?" "Are you bringing him/her?" No man should define you,  you should define yourself. We need to work on this.

3. Independence
Regardless of whether I'm dating or not, I still handle my bizzz, honey.  I goes to work, I come home, I pays my bills annnnd I eats! I'm not focused on anyone who is going to do those things for me. I've had guys offer, "what can I do for you?" Which is mostly financial and I'm like "nothing". Whether you're there or not,  I will take care of myself. Of course they pay on dates but sometimes I pay too.
I really feel this is when living arrangements come into the equation.
When someone lives with you and you're dating,  you become complacent. One person is probably gaining much more from the relationship (financially/sexually) or you end up staying in that relationship because you now live together--that sounds like bondage. The logic behind living together makes sense but when you look at the foundation of the relationship, isn't living together a bit  premature before marriage? I think so. He hasn't even bought the cow yet, but he gets free milk, a free ride and free shelter--did I mention this is FREE? Men love free shit, just saying. I know it sounds like we're putting a price on ourselves but mankind has done this for a very long time, it symbolizes how much we value ourselves. Are you worth a movie, two movies or a ring?
I also love being independent because I get to make all my decisions alone whether they are big or small! You can't really do that in a marriage/courtship.

4. Abstinence/Celibacy  has a rate of 100% in protecting against unwanted pregnancy and STI'S
Obviously. I love knowing I'm gonna get my lady time regardless because I haven't been fooling around. Never worried because I didn't do anything to cause worry. That's a great feeling!

5. Less emotional strain
I always talk about soul ties with my friends. Some people believe me and some don't (even though it may be extremely evident in their lives). Overtime in any relationship we develop feelings for someone whether romantic or platonic. Now when we act on the romantic feelings and physically connect we create a soul tie. That person will have a piece of us forever. This is why we get hurt, we're mistrusting, we're jealous to the point where we would kill. We expected more, we expected a life long connection. This is how we know sex is not just SEX. We have a carnal nature but also a longing to be loved. Living single and celibate is great because we do limit the extent of getting hurt emotionally.

6. Less Temptation
If you're like me, you love looking at good looking men whether in person or just on tv! We are still heterosexual, we still have emotions and desires and God knows that very well. It's not about acting like there isn't temptation or not talking about it. It's about moving past the temptation.Yeah he's cute but can he do anything else for me? Can he supplement my growth or stunt it? I still think plenty of guys are cute but for me it's always been about substance as well. Lack of substance is a huge turn off for me. You can't just be a pretty face, boo! Whenever I get tempted I think of this whether I'm in a relationship or not. What will be the outcome of us hooking up--positive or negative and I follow suit. I've had guys offer to hookup even though we were friends or we worked together and it not only lowered my view of them but showed me how strong I could be. If he can't even ask you out like a gentleman, he doesn't value you.
In the same token, stay true to what you want. Don't let the heat of the moment define where the relationship goes. I've had a hard time balancing this and I'm working on it. I never want to lead anyone to think that I will ever have sex before marriage. If it's anything more than a kiss, fagettaboutit! Even kiss sefff... If y'all have heard of that song by the Weeknd--if he calls you half past five, hang up oooo! Ignore the phone call! Lol kidding. But seriously flee from that temptation if it's something you cannot handle. We've all been there. To quote, sensitive bae, "I know when that hotline bling, that can only mean one thing" there are definitely appropriate times to call someone but if he's calling after 9 or 10 pm and asking to come over, ey weyy my sistahhh--You betta flee from that temptation. Say, devil get thee behind me!

7. No one to please but God and yourself.

8. Wear whatever hairstyle you desire
Some Guys always have some s*&% to say about your hair.

9. Shave/not shave whatever you want whenever you want.
Did someone say no shave November?  I think yessss.

10. You get to become the best You, you could possibly be!

I think the biggest thing I'm learning is its ok not to have everything figured out but it's also ok to live life different from the norm.  I've spent so much time feeling weird because of virginity, celibacy and love, I felt I had to force something on myself.  This is just me.  Choosing this doesn't make me better or worse just secure in myself.
Any questions/concerns? just comment!
-XO, 9jaknots