Sunday, October 11, 2015

Worth the Wait {Celibacy Part 1}


Hey, loves!
As defined by the dictionary Celibacy is the "state of abstaining from marriage and sexual relations". Other definitions include it being a faith-based vow. Abstinence, however is abstaining from sex at any point in life for any reason. One can be abstinent and non-religious. This is why Abstinence-only education in schools doesn't always include religious undertones. That being said, I am a Christian. I grew up in a christian home and premarital sex was just never part of the plan.

I'm sure a lot of parents don't necessarily plan for underage pregnancy or that teens hope to let their parents down. It's just purely based on choice and every choice impacts an individual's life dramatically (whether we realize it or not). In my situation, much like others I was scared into remaining pure. For some it works, for some it doesn't. I can say it definitely worked for me because I'm a scaredy cat and I was a relatively good kid. I am also simply not ready for penetration, it gives me anxiety. I didn't party until probably senior year and even then...not really my thing. I didn't really come onto guys, I didn't know how to flirt. Shit, I still don't know how to flirt. Maybe some guys liked me but I've always been the "cool chick" not necessarily the "hot chick". I was also pretty honest about not wanting to hookup in high school, which probably played a role as well. I went to prom with one of my girlfriends. People thought I was gay, so yeah. Just to give you a little background. I had to be home at a certain time and there just wasn't a lot of room to hook up. Even if there was, I just didn't have the desire to be rebellious. I do not really have any regrets because most guys in high school are not really focused on a long term relationship. They lack the maturity to really understand the difference between love and lust. In adult life I've learned even grown men are still immature. We're not male bashing here, some women are immature as well but that just makes a better argument that maybe high school is not really the place to meet your soul-mate. My parents always said, "FACE YA BOOKS" Which is what I did. By the way I was not an amazing student, I was average and I definitely DID NOT need any distractions. At one point of senior year, I questioned whether I would actually graduate. I may have not dated the star of the football team--I watch too much "Friday Night Lights"--but I never feared getting pregnant in high school. By God's grace and my parent's home training.

Fast forward to now, almost 4 years later and a lot of shit has changed. I lost myself for a bit. I started to compromise, I started to listen to the bullshit coming out from some people's mouths. I have let myself down but I have learned a whole lot. I am still a virgin in the literal sense but have participated in other acts. Living on my own, I have felt a huge amount of loneliness and a void that just cannot be filled by any other human being. I took me forever to realize that. I have dated and have been constantly disappointed. I have dated people I was unequally yoked with and just thought where could this even go. I'm done. I've been celibate for a while now. I'm not dating anyone. I'm not looking. I like someone but it could not possibly work, so I'm getting over it. I don't know why I let who I am get bogged down by others opinions. I look at their lives and I don't see much to call home about. I do not want to be miserable and in a relationship. Let me be happy on my own. To those who say you cannot court anymore, that purity doesn't exist--I say Fuck 'em! As funny as that sounds, we just lack faith. When women have said to me you're living in a fantasy world. I just laugh, because I'd rather live in a fantasy world where I meet a man that respects me and marries me as opposed to one that lives off of me and never puts a ring on my finger. I think we as women get confused and think that men and women think alike, they don't. Men and women rationalize sex differently. To a man, Sex can be, just sex. It's easier for them because where sex is and where emotions are in their brains are two separate places. Too many women think, If I do this and that and the other, maybe he'll love me. Absolutely NOT, honey. Think again. No amount of sexing, money or food will ever keep him, if he is yours. I'm worth a ring, and I'm sure sex is worth the wait.
Basically this post was just explaining how much, I've learned and why I'm celibate. Tomorrow I'll post about, how I have practiced celibacy in the past and stay celibate now.
XO, 9jaknots

Beeteedubs: I'm christian, I do curse. It's a form of expression and being Christian doesn't mean you are perfect it means you're broken. We need to be realistic.