Friday, October 9, 2015

Why ABG will always be the SOML

Hey peeps!
So I'm sure many of you know and have watched the Awkward Black Girl web series, if you haven't you betta getcho life, girl! It's basically this awesome-sauce series about J's awkward adventures encompassing her work and love life. Issa Rae is the creator of this series by the by.  Can we just acknowledge how much of a boss betch she is? *crowd cheers* I'm pretty sure I first watched this in 2012 when it first came out and I was like oh my gosh, how does she know my life?! So I decided to highlight all the reasons why ABG will always be the Story of my life and I hope y'all enjoy.
1. I'm awkward and Black.
This is obvious. Black Girl Magic is where it's at, awkward not so much. But you win some, you lose some.
2. Pretending to be in a music video/ talking to myself
As a lover of music and an artist I constantly think about the situation that led an artist to write a song in my head. Which leads me to make my own one- woman music video.
If I had a nickel for every time someone caught me talking to myself at work, home and other-I'd be a millionaire. Too bad being weird usually leads to embarrassment.
3. I try to spit rap lyrics by myself
Although I don't actually write my own rhymes like J, I do spit lyrics from songs I like. Like right now, my Pretty Is on Fleek.* definitely on my Nicky Minaj right now. Beyonce is cool too.
4. "My boss is an offensive dumb fuck of an idiot"
This is actually said in the show and I have to say it's pretty relevant.  It's crazy how J breaks down different personalities in the workplace. I've had some bosses that have been no bueno and would definitely get fired if HR knew what came out of their mouths.
Here are the other personalities:
Guy who can't take a hint
Drama queen who never shuts up
Loud Black bitch
Guy who always makes weird noises
Space invading bitch who probably has aids that Bitch
These are all introduced in the first or second episode. I have met one of all of these in my entire time working with human beings.
5. "I'm passive aggressive and hate confrontation"
This is uber true. Like I'd rather just curse you in my mind than start something. In my mind, I don't even see the point in actually physically fighting anyone. If you irritate me, I'll just ignore the fuck outta you.
6. I wave at the wrong person all the time
I don't know if this ever happens to y'all but it's like I have this perception that I'm just so cool and every wants to greet me. I wave or answer someone and they're actually trying to get the attention of someone behind or beside me. So awkward. After this exchange, I just try to play it off and find a hole to crawl in.
7. Awkwardly maneuvering around workplace relationships
I think this situation is always super awkward especially when the girlfriend is uber insecure. I was in a situation where I liked someone I worked with and they ended up going out with another girl--I also work with.  Uber awkward cuzzz everybody knew about it. Maybe not the guy..not really sure. J went through the same bullshit for a minute but then she got boo-ed up! Now that's a silver lining. Immature workplace relationships are so fuggin awkward.
8. I plan situations in my head all the time.
Before I talk to any human being about an important issue or even introducing myself, I plan it in my head. Before I even try to spit game at a crush (kidding I suck at flirting), I plan it. I usually end up saying the wrong thing too often, so this helps me mentally prepare myself for the awkwardness.
9. Long hallways are my worst enemy.
Chinekeme!* how I hate long hallways. There's a long hallway that leads to the cafe I work at. I try to face the ground, but shit you can only do that for so long before running into someone or looking special. I really don't like saying hi if I don't have to. Not to mention the creepers who try to spit game. Like, no I'm not even going to acknowledge your existence. I don't even see you.
10. "Sometimes when I go on a date, I feel like a starving obese gorilla"
Ughhh. The struggle when your date is banking and is definitely paying but you don't wanna look unattractive. Like I don't eat lady-like. I eat the gristle, the skin, the everything. I would even lick the bowl but...we're trying to put our best foot foward. I don't care, I have definitely never been one to miss out on free food. I just take the shit home. Point blank, Peri-OD.
Here's a hilarious quote where J makes a life-altering relationship decision: " Do I have to taste the eggnog latte to know I like the caramel mocha? Naw that's how hoes end up on Maury"
Yasss J no truer words were ever spoken!
Do y'all relate to J from ABG? Feel free to comment. Also watch Awkward Black Girl. Buy the book. I'm so happy to finally see women that look like me in the media and aren't shown negatively.
Here's the link, so no excuses:
*Pretty on Fleek-line from "Feeling myself" by Nicky Minaj and Beyonce which is what I was listening to. I blog while listening to music. It turns my swag on(?)
*Chinekeme- oh my God in igbo->my native language